How to feel Acceptance

A shift from shame to acceptance removes the negative charge so you may properly process what happened.

Superpowers used: selflessness, movement, tribe, play

Other tools may be used as well. View all tools to shift states here.

How to shift from shame to acceptance

There's a lot we can learn from the mistakes we make.

Shame typically occurs after we experience a combination of surprise and disgust with ourselves.

Maybe we acted in a way that didn't feel like 'us.' And we have some remorse about what we did.

Shame is a signal we did something that doesn't align with who we are. It's important we tune in and learn the lesson.

What could I have done differently? Why did I choose to do X instead of Y?

Shame doesn't exist to punish but guide. It's an important evolutionary tool that can help us become who we want to be.

But it can be problematic in 2 different ways:

  1. Using shame as punishment instead of wisdom
  2. Holding onto shame because we feel the need to suffer for what we did

This is when shame can become corrosive. No longer serving a purpose, it can devour our sense of self instead of adding value to it.

After we learn from what shame has to teach, we must accept.

This can be difficult – and the difficulty level is typically based on our patterns and/or the severity of the event that caused the shame.

Regardless, there are tools we have that can break us out of this cycle and into acceptance.

Only then can we take the valuable lessons shame has to teach and move on with our life in a better way.

Power of Selflessness

Superpower Description:

It's easy to feel like the world revolves around us and it's a wonderful survival mechanism.

But we also have the fascinating and tremendous ability to zoom out and experience a sense of selflessness.

By being altruistic and doing something solely for the sake of someone else, we release the tight grip we have on our stories and experience something beyond.

Not only does selflessness help others, but ironically, it's also one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Use Selflessness to Shift from Shame

One of the best things you can do for yourself when you're experiencing shame is to do something for someone else.

Sounds counter-intuitive, right? Well, it turns out, there's a lot more to the world than what we're currently feeling.

One of the best ways to really accept ourselves is to do something nice for someone else.

Gather up some extra food around your place and give it to a homeless person.

Buy coffee for the person behind you in line. Do small favors for people around you at work.

Remove the self from yourself and do something selfless expecting nothing in return.

If you can make someone else's day, you can remind yourself you're not a bad person. The more you do for others, the more your shame should diminish.

Give a compliment to a stranger.

Pick someone flowers -- maybe even leave them for someone anonymously and watch their response.

Give your partner a massage, or leave them a love note where they're not expecting it.

Just because we're experiencing shame doesn't mean we're a bad person but staying too long in the corrosiveness of it can make us believe that.

Sometimes we need help remembering were good. We're kind.

Altruism is one of the best reminders.

Power of Movement

Superpower Description:

Humans move far less today than any other time in history.

Before the Agricultural Revolution, humans took an estimated 50,000 steps per day. Once we began farming and settled, that number dropped to approximately 20,000. Today, the average American takes 5,000 steps.

Movement is one of our most primal necessities and its neglection affects us. On the positive side, it's also something we can do to shift us out of the state we're in.

In fact, exercise may be the single best way to change how we're feeling.

Use Movement to Shift from Shame

Shame can feel like a toxic, corrosive energy coursing through our veins.

Movement is one of the best way to eradicate it.

Especially when you combine it with other elements like nature, mindfulness, endurance, or skill.

Go for an outdoor stroll.

Take a dog for a run.

Climb a mountain.

Even if you can't take advantage of nature or it's miserable out, you can combine movement with mindfulness.

Try martial arts.

Take a yoga class.

Enjoy a guided walking meditation.

Not really in the mood for mindfulness?

How about you test your resolve.

Give cross-fit a try.

Take a fitness bootcamp class.

Push yourself to the limit at the gym.

Don't want to go hard?

That's fine, go technical.

Whether it's doing something you're skilled at, or learning a new skill, the movement will shift your state.

Try slacklining.

Go rock climbing.

Ski, snowboard, surf, skate, rollerblade.

Play Ping-Pong, shoot hoops, play golf.

In other words, MOVE your body.

Shame can't remain in a body that is fully engaged.

Work. It. Out.

Power of Tribe

Superpower Description:

Humans have lived in tribes for as long as our species has been around. That may have changed very recently with the agricultural revolution, but that doesn’t mean our biology changed with it.

We are still tribal by nature even when when culture shifts more towards isolation.

Since connecting with tribe is such an integral part of the human experience, it's a superpower we can use to shift our experience.

Use Tribe to Shift from Shame

If you're seeking to absolve yourself of shame, get connected with your tribe.

They, better than anyone, can remind you of who you really are.

Call your grandparents.

Hug your best friend and tell them you're grateful for them.

Pick your mom flowers.

Ask your favorite barista their name and really look them in their eyes.

Introduce yourself to someone you see all the time but haven't taken a moment to get to know.

Tell your brother or sister how much you love them.

For some of us, it isn't even possible to hug our parents or best friends because they live in a different part of the world.

(Think about that for a second: our closest tribe members are spread throughout the world. It's simultaneously marvelous and depressing.)

There's a lot of problems with modern technology but amazing things as well. If we use technology in the right ways, it can actually be a tool to help us connect more, not less.

Leave someone a voicemail instead of a text.

(Hearing a voice message can release as much oxytocin in our brains as a hug.)

Facetime with a friend instead of just a phone call.

Write an old friend or lover a letter.

Have a group call with your whole family.

Shame can make us feel like we're a bad person. Our tribe can remind us of our goodness.

If you don't have a tribe to connect with, build one. Its value can't be understated.

Shift States to feel:

Miles Rote

Your environment produces you.
So become the director.