How to feel connected

A shift from loneliness to connection will bring you back to yourself.

Superpowers used: tribe, selflessness, awe

Other superpowers may be used as well. View all powers to shift states here.

Stop Feeling Lonely

We crave connection. It's in our genes.

In fact, the greatest predictor of overall wellbeing and longevity is the strength of our social bonds. But even if we do have strong social bonds, we can still wake up feeling lonely.

Because we live in a digital world, more and more people are feeling lonely.

Many of our communications have shifted from personal to digital. Unfortunately, evolution moves much slower than technology and we still crave the intimate human connections our ancestors shared for hundreds of thousands of years. In fact, it's only been about 15,000 years since we stopped living in tribes.

Or another way of looking at it, less than 1% of human existence has been spent living outside the tribal lifestyle.

In other words, we're wired to have very intimate connections, yet our society and culture reflect an impersonal one.

But just because society is a certain way doesn't mean we have to be a slave to it.

Humans are social creatures and the feeling of loneliness is a survival mechanism to encourage you to spend more time with tribe. Or find a mate.

It turns out, the top 5 loneliest countries happen to be not only some of the wealthiest countries, but most modern as well.

Whereas countries with lower rates of loneliness have more tribal lifestyles.

In the modern world, even when we have strong social bonds, loneliness creeps in often because our connections are digitized instead of being personal.

We seek intimacy because it's a necessary part of the human experience.

You can use several human superpowers to help you shift from loneliness to connection -- even if you don't have strong social bonds.

Power of Tribe

Superpower Description:

Humans have lived in tribes for as long as our species has been around. That may have changed very recently with the agricultural revolution, but that doesn’t mean our biology changed with it.

We are still tribal by nature even when when culture shifts more towards isolation.

Since connecting with tribe is such an integral part of the human experience, it's a superpower we can use to shift our experience.

Use Tribe to Shift from Loneliness

If you're seeking to absolve yourself of loneliness, get connected with your tribe.

Call your grandparents.

Hug your best friend and tell them you're grateful for them.

Pick your mom flowers.

Ask your favorite barista their name and really look them in their eyes.

Introduce yourself to someone you see all the time but haven't taken a moment to get to know.

Tell your brother or sister how much you love them.

For some of us, it isn't even possible to hug our parents or best friends because they live in a different part of the world.

(Think about that for a second: our closest tribe members are spread throughout the world. It's simultaneously marvelous and depressing.)

There's a lot of problems with modern technology but amazing things as well. If we use technology in the right ways, it can actually be a tool to help us connect more, not less.

Leave someone a voicemail instead of a text.

(Hearing a voice message can release as much oxytocin in our brains as a hug.)

Facetime with a friend instead of just a phone call.

Write an old friend or lover a letter.

Have a group call with your whole family.

The truth is, you're gonna get lonely. But you can do something about it.

If you don't have a tribe to connect with, build one. Its value can't be understated.

Power of Selflessness

Superpower Description:

It's easy to feel like the world revolves around us and it's a wonderful survival mechanism, but we also have the fascinating and tremendous ability to zoom out and experience a sense of selflessness.

By being altruistic and doing something solely for the sake of someone else, we release the tight grip we have on our stories and experience something beyond ourselves.

Use Selflessness to Shift from Loneliness

Not only does selflessness help others, but ironically, it's also one of the best things you can do for your self.

One of the best things you can do for your self when you're lonely is to be selfless.

Sounds counter-intuitive, right? Well, it turns out, there's a lot more to the world than what we're currently feeling.

One of the best tools to really experience connection is to do something for someone else.

Gather up some extra food around your place and give it to a homeless person.

Buy coffee for the person behind you in line. Do small favors for people around you at work.

Remove the self from yourself and do something selfless expecting nothing in return.

If you can make someone else's day, there's a good chance you won't feel lonely anymore. Plus, it boosts social bonds and if you read Tool #1 about Tribe, you understand why that's so important.

Give a compliment to a stranger.

Pick someone flowers -- maybe even leave them for someone anonymously and watch their response.

Give your partner a massage, or leave them a love note where they're not expecting it.

We're all connected. Sometimes we just need help remembering.

Altruism is one of the best reminders.

Power of Awe

Superpower Description:

One dose of awe has the power to completely revolutionize how we perceive the world. And ourselves.

Awe is magic manifested through wonder helping us better comprehend we'll never be able to understand – and that's okay. And beautiful.

It is a state of gratitude beyond words or emotion, expressing grateful wonder for being alive and connected to something beyond our comprehension.

It is a superpower allowing us to see the reality we are interconnected to everything around us, so we can use it to connect with something greater than ourselves.

Use Awe to Shift from Loneliness

Awe is one of the most treasured human experiences. Few things can make us feel more connected.

When you zoom out far enough, you reach a place of awe. It's inevitable.

What do I mean by zooming out?

Your loneliness is a subjective experience. Even if you are alone in a desert, it is not objective reality.

The objective reality is that you are interconnected with everything in the universe. In this dimension, there is no possible way to actually be alone.

So if you can step out of your story and zoom out to see the bigger picture, you'll remember you're not alone.

Look at trees remembering they give you the air you need to breathe.

Feel soil under feet and remember it provides you with all the food you need.

Look to the sky and remember there's a star out there -- at just the right distance -- that made all of this possible.

You see, even the state of loneliness can be beautiful. The fact we even get to feel it is remarkable. And then we can talk about it, write about it, and do something about it if we so choose.

Even when you're lonely, you're still spending time with the world. And the universe. And everything within it. As it.

It's utterly mind-blowing.

Here are just some of the ways to induce the state of awe.


Take a walk in nature.

Watch the sun rise.

Go to an observatory and revel at stars.

It doesn't have to all be about nature. Go watch a captivating movie. Check out Shots of Awe on youtube. Read an engaging fiction book.

If you look around, there is awe everywhere. Or just look inside. You are awe.

Tap into the true essence of what it is to be alive and you'll no longer feel lonely.

Shift States to feel:

Miles Rote

Your environment produces you.
So become the director.